Thursday, January 28, 2010

Almost 2 Week Count Down

like a sister, "T"(left) and me

We are coming close to the 2 week mark. As I get closer to running my first marathon, I start to think about our military more and what they continue to do for us. My best friend (I only have a couple of these) "T" and I are like sisters. In fact, since knowing each other over the last 6-7 years we were often asked if we were. She is overseas right now, somewhere, serving our country. I can't imagine a future without her friendship and I hope to share a million more stories about our chaotic, but blessed lives, including the never ending conversations about men.:)

When Max's dad was overseas for a year, I held my breath each time something tragic would appear on the news, and await the standard, "I am okay,I wasn't in that area of the IED explosive" email. Now, I cringe the same way when bad news pops up on the Internet because my buddy, "my sister" is there too. But, we have to keep living "life as usual" as civilians over here as well.

The balance of appreciating our military men and women, and continuing to live day to day at home can be tricky when you actually know someone far away in harm's way. The first time I went to Walter Reed, I wanted to scoop up all of the wounded soldiers and tell them I love them.

I felt sorry for them. But after speaking with one wounded soldier I learned that pity wasn't the response he wanted, but a sense of relief that his injuries would hopefully heal, and that he would be looked at as a man who served not a crippled individual.

So, tonight a special hello to "T", who has been one of my biggest supporters of this fundraiser to Wounded Warrior Project. May you be safe tonight and every night, and tell your company over there that I will run for you all with Ryan's help on 2-14-10.

Check this video out -- Higher Thanks to bro Case...get pumped up!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

January 26, 2010

In the past, one thing I have never been told…is that I don’t talk enough. As a matter of a fact, sometimes I talk too much. I am one of those who don’t like to stay mad in a situation. I might get worked up, say my piece and walk away, but I usually always apologize; even if I feel it wasn’t “my fault”.
However, since Ryan passed away, and my marriage ended, I became very walled up and didn’t trust a word or an action by most I encountered. This is not a reflection of anything in particular, but maybe how I dealt with the pain. For over two years I was a hermit, and pretty much didn’t do anything but work, and be a mom. I made it a point to never let someone get to know me.
Running has allowed me to take a bad day and throw it into a run and for me it’s like being at a spa where all my worries melt, and the sky is my guide. Like yesterday, running across I35 bridge again, looking up at clouds swirled in purple, orange, dark blue and gray. Edges of some of the clouds etched out like angel wings and a warmth of color that guided me to the end of a nice tempo run.
Running has made me a little more “ballsy”, like being able to talk to a group about what I am doing, being able to ask for money for our wounded veterans and not being shy about it. Most importantly, I have come to terms with reconciliation better than in the past. I hate going to bed mad at anyone, and vice versa. If I feel someone has been hurt by my actions I want to fix it right away. I know this stems from not being able to say goodbye to Ryan or finding a way to patch a failed marriage. I make an honest effort to always say goodbye and I love you to those I care about, so I don’t have to wonder if they ever knew how much they meant to me.
Running has allowed me to join a community of runners everywhere, fast or slow, young and older who share the same enjoyment I do when looking at my watch knowing I just clocked off another few miles for the week.
Running tells me that the past is so 5 minutes ago, and that an unknown future is more exciting than predicting life. All the sad troubles of the world leave my head when I run (except for that crappy run on last Sat.:)), and for an hour or so out of the day, life is peaceful, and no is mad at me, and I am not mad at me or anyone else.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Humbling Weekend, January 24, 2010

(ryan far left, laughing (then and now in heaven) and me next to him, along with the rest of us)

I had my first cry over a run this weekend. Over the past 5 months it’s been a pretty good time; busy at moments as well as tiring and anxious. But, Sat. morning, after my attempted 16-18 mile run (only completed 13, and recovered with 2 mile walk), I got in the car and cried that I might not finish this marathon. I just completed a 22 mile run 2 weeks prior and felt on top of the world, but I had a slight melt down this last Saturday.
From the time the run started I had negative thoughts of not making it through the desired distance, and I totally felt run down. Since I started the training I never cheated a long run, and so I feel like I let myself down. Let me quote an Enimen song, “Lose Yourself”…goes something like “success is my only option, failure’s not”…or something like that. It’s on my play list because it’s a pump you up kind of a song…but that’s how I felt when I didn’t complete my run.
When I started this challenge, I was worried about the 26.2 miles, than I was worried about the fundraiser, then I was worried about having the time to do it all, and so I guess I met my breaking point. So, I got on the phone, called a friend who coaches, and he practically laughed at myself pity, and assured me everyone has a crappy run and to go ahead and do a 6-7 mile run on Sunday to feel better about missing a few miles on Sat. Well, after watching some friends compete on the windy, hour-long delayed 3M Half Marathon, I did just that.
It was one of the most comforting desirable runs to date. It cleared my head, and I felt okay again. Like many running their first marathon, I am not seeking an elite time or place, but don’t want to see all the hard work pan out into a marathon I could not finish. So, instead of worrying my head off because there are 3 weeks to go, I am going to get to that happy little place in my head that tells me, “Ryan is laughing his butt off because you are running a marathon. So, enjoy laughing with him. Because, he will help me get through this, like he did on my 22 mile run.” I am blessed to make it this far, and don't want to take any of it for granted, for I know at current time my best friend is serving overseas, and an earthquake has shattered thousands of lives.

The Sente Team is doing awesome, running hard at Camp Mabry on Sat., and excited about getting his/her donations. I am glad to get the worrying done sooner than later. Let's see if I can let if flow for the time being until race day:)

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Team Sente! Hello! January 21, 2010

(Max and Mom.)

My biggest supporter, Max. He's the sweetest little guy I could ever imagine being a mom to and he's my number one! We were heading to work/school this morning and he asks when I am going to run the race (Austin Marathon 2010)? I told him soon. Then he told me he wants me to win a big trophy so he could put it in his bedroom. I am thinking about buying a fake trophy just to give him for being such a good sport about all the running around we've been doing lately.

Today was also a great day for team work. Sente Mortgage has come aboard and is off to a great start with this fundraiser. I am so happy to have them all support Running For Ryan and can't wait to be on the road, running together on 2-14-10.

We have a little over 3 weeks left before the big day and so if you are reading this, please take a few minutes to give any amount you can to severely wounded veterans. We are all listed on the donation link, so pick anyone and give.

I am still excited about Stephan's run in Houston last weekend. You are such an inspiration, little bro, and can't wait to see you run again (if its not a million miles away):)

Thanks for being patient Max, and thanks Sente Mortgage for being there to honor Ryan's memory. Currently over $6,000 raised for our servicemen and women.:)

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Very Inspiring Weekend!

(Stephan and I (Hilton)
(Stephan running to finish)
(Stephan, Meb (2009 NYC Marathon Champ), me with monster pimple (nice)

What a great weekend! I squeezed a 16 mile run out of a semi-tired body on Sat. morning, then headed to Houston.

I was lucky enough to get a pass, so I was able to be right at the finish, and couldn't believe my eyes when my little brother Stephan came whizzing by at a great half marathon debut time of 1:02.26, and a super 5th place finish.

The vibe for race day in Houston was pretty vibrant, and the weather was perfect for a race. I was so proud to see him do better than he expected, and it was had to hold back tears as I could really appreciate the work he's putting in to be such a great runner.

But THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE TRIP was being able to hang out with Stephan and get some brother/sister time in. It sure had been awhile, and totally felt great to be able to give some family support.

After watching him run, he became my inspiration here on earth, while Ryan pushes me from the skies above.

I am going to bed tonight extremely happy for Stephan, and only wish we could have spent more time hanging out. So, congratulations Pups! XOXO

Sunday, January 10, 2010

22 Miles in 22 Degree Weather1/10/10

(Max painted this rainbow today and he was so focused, I had to post it)

22 miles in weather somewhere in the 20's, felt like I was back in Northern Michigan, minus the wet snow.

Considering I had a soar throat 6 days straight, it went well. Today is day 7 of the scratchy throat but I think it's finally making it's way out of my system.

My watch wasn't working right but I think I completed the 22 in about 3:50, or a little gotta hope that with one more month of training, I will eventually run under a 4:30 on race day.

Today I decided it would be a great time to take Max on Town Lake so he can learn how to ride his 2 wheel bike, and we stopped along the way to feed dozens and dozens of ducks...more than in the summertime. What are those funny looking black ducks called with the short beaks? Anyway the bike ride was ok, but definitely scary to think of him riding minus the training wheels near those edges that fall far and straight into the no rush.

Going to have an early night, and look forward to meeting the Sente running team during lunch on Monday.:)

It was great weekend running wise as well as good quality time with Max. Let's hope the week flys by fast, because I am looking forward to watch my little brother Stephan run in Houston this weekend.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

January 7, 2010

Apparently, I didn't have my dates correct. The Houston race is next weekend. I had it in my head for the longest time that it was on the 10th, but it's for the better anyway. I am on day 4 of being sick. I finally called in to work to day, and spent the day at home. I think it was a wise choice. I did run Mon-Wed, even while under the weather, but totally rested today. I have a 22 mile run planned for Sat., and a part of me doesn't want to deter from the schedule, so I am doing everything to get myself healthy for it.
Had to run to the grocery store to stock up on healthy food, in the freezing cold, and it was super busy, then ironically, picked up a pizza at Papa John's (sick mom, didn't feel like cooking, don't judge) and it was crazy busy, so I asked what was going on? Apparently the Longhorns are playing tonight, and I didn't even know. So, I might consider hooking up my HD converter thing that's been sitting in an unopened box for 4 months now, so I can view the news once in awhile. I mean, I have inter net at home, so I am not out of the loop, I just never have time to watch TV and have never got cable, let alone hooked up the converter thing. So, when traffic is slow in the morning, will that be due to some tired Longhorn fans sleeping in:)?
Off to bed soon. I have been healing pretty good today with Sinus Buster spray(I swear by the capsicum in it) and a lot orange slices. Ironically, oranges/orange juice in large amounts are not good for Lupus, (that's what I read anyway, because of the potassium), but when I am under the weather, it's a big boost for me.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

1-2-10 20 Miles! Yah, pretty stoked:)

(Stephan (left) and Ryan, while we were in Wyoming...going to see Stephan in a's been awhile)

Let's see, once again, Happy 2010 to everyone! On New Year's Day I participated in fun run hosted by Red Licorice events and Jack and Adams in Austin. It was great, and a perfect way to get out and get a little exercise when no one else was out and about. We also received some donations at this event, and many thanks to all of those who gave, and to those who hosted the event.

Today was, shall I say, freaking cool, because I completed my first 20 mile run! Now, the 26.2 race on 2-14-10 seems way more in hand's reach, and amazingly, the run was quite smooth. Sugar levels were smooth and here's a break down of how I got through 20 miles. This worked for me, so going to keep it as a routine for my long run:

Night before:

Spaghetti and meatballs (yes beef and pork mixed together) Red meat is a "no" for Lupus, but I do it pretty sparingly, and it's been OK. The sun is what affects me personally more than anything at this point.



Garlic bread


1 large oatmeal pancake

1 cup of coffee


The run:

half a banana and half a Capri Sun Fruit Punch juice after 8 miles

the other half after 12 miles

and though I was skeptical to try a gel pack, I bought a couple of Hammer Gels to try out, and the Raspberry is a winner. I squeezed one in my mouth (tastes like pure raspberry jam) at mile 17, and felt instant relief and energy, and it got me through the finish, with water in between every few miles as well. I recommend it! Definitely will have a couple on me for the Austin Marathon.

So, I think if I can do this kind of a diet every Friday night and Saturday morning, I can stomach it through the 20 + miles each time.

Looking forward to meeting the Sente team this coming week, and watching my little brother Stephan run the Houston Half on Jan. 10th. I have never visited Houston, so look forward to hanging out in a new city.

Now, it's time to eat leftovers and let my legs relax on the sofa.