Sunday, January 24, 2010

Humbling Weekend, January 24, 2010

(ryan far left, laughing (then and now in heaven) and me next to him, along with the rest of us)

I had my first cry over a run this weekend. Over the past 5 months it’s been a pretty good time; busy at moments as well as tiring and anxious. But, Sat. morning, after my attempted 16-18 mile run (only completed 13, and recovered with 2 mile walk), I got in the car and cried that I might not finish this marathon. I just completed a 22 mile run 2 weeks prior and felt on top of the world, but I had a slight melt down this last Saturday.
From the time the run started I had negative thoughts of not making it through the desired distance, and I totally felt run down. Since I started the training I never cheated a long run, and so I feel like I let myself down. Let me quote an Enimen song, “Lose Yourself”…goes something like “success is my only option, failure’s not”…or something like that. It’s on my play list because it’s a pump you up kind of a song…but that’s how I felt when I didn’t complete my run.
When I started this challenge, I was worried about the 26.2 miles, than I was worried about the fundraiser, then I was worried about having the time to do it all, and so I guess I met my breaking point. So, I got on the phone, called a friend who coaches, and he practically laughed at myself pity, and assured me everyone has a crappy run and to go ahead and do a 6-7 mile run on Sunday to feel better about missing a few miles on Sat. Well, after watching some friends compete on the windy, hour-long delayed 3M Half Marathon, I did just that.
It was one of the most comforting desirable runs to date. It cleared my head, and I felt okay again. Like many running their first marathon, I am not seeking an elite time or place, but don’t want to see all the hard work pan out into a marathon I could not finish. So, instead of worrying my head off because there are 3 weeks to go, I am going to get to that happy little place in my head that tells me, “Ryan is laughing his butt off because you are running a marathon. So, enjoy laughing with him. Because, he will help me get through this, like he did on my 22 mile run.” I am blessed to make it this far, and don't want to take any of it for granted, for I know at current time my best friend is serving overseas, and an earthquake has shattered thousands of lives.

The Sente Team is doing awesome, running hard at Camp Mabry on Sat., and excited about getting his/her donations. I am glad to get the worrying done sooner than later. Let's see if I can let if flow for the time being until race day:)

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