Happy Two Thousand and Twelve!

Let's see what the universe has in store for us in 2012! Hope everyone is well!

Just to catch up, I finished the 2011 ING New York Marathon on November 6th. It was GREAT to go back and finish a goal set from the previous year. It was an amazing experience and brought on with the help of many people. I will forever be thankful.

I am in the midst of trying to find new employment, so that keeps me busy these days, but hope to run a race again soon.

Take care.

F E A R

(my bud)

Ahh, so finally, a post. It's only been 8 months since last writing on here. But I have been running again, yeah! I mean, granted this has been the worst summer I have experienced since moving to Austin 2.5 years ago, but after 2 weeks of adjusting to the brutal temperatures, it's "okay".

I didn't think it was going to happen, but it did, I started up again. I mean running is my one drug, my therapy, my escape from all the thoughts that stay clustered in my head through out the day, and even in 105 degree weather, I love it.

Fear kept me from running. Last November I was sitting in a ER room moments before the 2010 NYC Marathon was to begin. I was suppose to be running, you know making Ryan proud, giving up my own sweat and tears to all those who donated to the Wounded Warrior Project, and completing a goal. A goal that seemed so unrealistic when I first rolled into Austin, Texas as a scared single mom with no idea of where I stood as a individual.

I am a firm believer that we get out of life what we put into life. So, when I have my moments of wondering what the hell I should be doing with my life, I turn to what makes me feel fulfilled. You must know that I thought about the ING NYC Marathon quite often since flying home with a token scar barely noticeable today.

It's not that I feel I owe anybody for not finishing the race last year, but for myself, it was a goal that remains incomplete. Sure, I have other goals: pay the remaining balance of the lovely NYC hospital bill, continue to provide for my son, manage my Lupus so it never becomes the end of me, help the Wounded Warrior Project when I can, continue to honor Ryan, and try really hard to keep FEAR out of the equation.

You see, I want to say I am going to try and get to the 2011 NYC Marathon, but what if something happens again? I have been going back and fourth with this like a yo-yo for a few weeks. I been hitting the unforgiving scorching concrete and dusty trails in the hope that I may be brave enough to welcome the challenge again.

Then, I think about a certain person who is on his 3rd deployment and who has been working pretty much overseas for the past 5-6 years trying to make good in every job/situation he is dealt. This man has never once complained to me, well maybe once, when he said he couldn't wait to get back to the States because Africa was just too dang hot at the time he was writing me.

But that's about it. Every time I write about my ups and downs in my pretty much safe and comfortable environment with my son and I, he encourages me. He never makes me feel like my inconveniences are unworthy to speak of; instead he tells me he understands and compliments me in some way or another.

This friend and I have written back and fourth for a good part of 4 years, getting me through a divorce and a death. This man is someone I admire a great deal for all of his service he has given to our country and to other countries when working to improve the lives of local communities overseas.

If I say I am going to run a marathon, he says be careful, but doesn't tell me I cannot do it. And his lack of fear of working and living so far away and from the comforts we enjoy everyday is what helps me to step away from the fear that I will fail. You know, Ryan inspired me two years ago to start this journey, and now I have to give a lot of credit to a dear friend who inspires me today. This friend puts a smile on my face, and has a heart that has been able to reach me and encourage me at just the right moments through the years. So, because of him, I am re-charged for this running thing. I will go with a open mind and try my best. I will try, and I will try to get there again to complete the goal. I want to honor Ryan, and to let my friend know, if he can deploy for a 3rd time, I can try the NYC Marathon a 2nd time, right?

January 4, 2010 New Year, New Begining

Well, it's been about a month since I last wrote. Today I felt motivated again, as I checked the mail and a very generous donation check was there to put us over $26,200 goal amount. Now we will be over $27,500 in generated funds for the Wounded Warrior Project in Ryan's memory. I am very proud today, but I would be lying if the New York City Marathon didn't still linger in the back of my head.

It seems life has been a little more stressful since that morning I got my appendix removed, instead of running the race of my dreams. A hefty hospital bill, new car, because 220,000 miles on my Chevy was about all it could do. Got a lot of use out of that car!

But today, as I just seemed a little more irritated than usual, I headed out for a smooth 5 mile run around Town Lake and my body just felt like jello all over--like an instant stress release, I was mellow! I couldn't help but think about Ryan, and how I just don't feel like stopping what I have started with Running For Ryan. Then, I got an email from my brother Case, who lives in South Korea, and he asked about running the NYC Marathon next fall for this cause, and I instantly wrote back: maybe we could do it together! So, with those spur of the moment words

coming out of my mouth, I feel like the challenge is still there to accomplish. I am VERY happy we reached the monetary goal this time around, and now I feel the only thing to do is increase the goal amount and keep going with this. I still have a runner dedicated to raise money for his Chicago Marathon debut this fall, so why not keep it going for all and anyone who still wants to help?!

The truth is, not running makes me cranky! I have signed up for the Livestrong Austin Half Marathon that takes place on February 20th, and hope to do a few more races here and there. NYC is in the back of my head, and depending how this summer goes, it could be an option for 2011.

Thanks again to everyone who supports this cause. I really am hoping 2011 will bring great things to Running For Ryan. I am even thinking of starting a non-profit in Ryan's memory. Anyone willing to help or suggest ways to help me get the non-profit off the ground, please contact me at: runningforryan@gmail.com This non-profit could open the doors to generating donations to various charitable events/organizations in Ryan's honor.

Take care.

Sarah

DEC. 5, 2010: The Infamous Appendectomy

TOP: Friday night...feeling good, heading to Runner's World gig in a cab...no problems! Then: ER, with an IV and happy medicine, thought I would hydrate up and still run, still in a good mood, NEXT: A few hours after appendectomy, team member Erin O'Mara gave my her NYC Marathon medal, and it sparked a tear or two, LAST: Made it to Central Park to visit Ryan's bench and rock 3 days after surgery (not gonna lie it hurt to sit in that pic)

It's been almost a month since I flew to NYC to run in a deeply heartfelt race in honor of my brother, Ryan Shay. I tried to be honest without being too open in most of my blogs during the year of running and raising funds for the Wounded Warrior Project. However, the moment the ER doctor told me I couldn't run the race (which was a few hours away), I just wanted to bawl like a baby and scream out loud, "Why!"

But instead, this is how it played out:

I am originally from Michigan, and so my older sister Jodie, and two younger brothers, Nathan and Elliott, car pooled together from Detroit and Chicago and drove all the way to NYC to watch the big race. I flew in on Friday late afternoon, and all was well. I was worn out a bit, but super excited to be in the Big Apple; my adrenaline on super speed. I dashed over to the Runner's World event, and then headed back to the hotel on Friday evening. I was anxious, but slept none the less. Saturday I woke up with no problems, but started feeling nauseous an hour or two later, so I ate, and then the food came right up! From about noon until 7-8pm I threw up and felt stabbing/twisting pains in my stomach. I was super dehydrated and asked my sister to take me to the ER.

I was determined to run the race, which at this point was less than 12 hours away. We went to the closet ER, St. Luke's Roosevelt, in Manhattan. I must have looked like crap because they got me to the back pretty quickly and started in IV for hydration, and a little happy medicine for the stomach pain. But then the pain started sliding toward my appendix and that's when the CT revealed I should get my appendix removed. It was about 2 in the morning at this point, and I was still determined to run. But they said no way, and so I cried for maybe 30 seconds. The meltdown I thought I would go through, I didn't.

Three years prior played through my head, when my brother was rushed to Lennox Hill hospital and died from a sudden heart attack at 28. I looked at my tired sister, and thanked God she was there to help me. My brothers would join her a few hours later after the procedure was completed.

When the surgeon, Scott Belsley (www.laparoscopic.md/) introduced himself before surgery, I was a little on edge, but also a little incoherent from lack of sleep and pain medicine. He told me I would be getting a laparoscopic appendectomy. This meant 3 small incisions. I thought, 3 seems worse than one slice near my appendix...but I was wrong! It's been almost a month, and you would never know I had my appendix out unless I told you. I don't know if every laparoscopic doctor performs with such skill at being non- invasive, but I would probably bet he has a lot of satisfied patients. I went in expecting a gash on my right side, and I have healed almost completely with barely a scar for proof.

I was feeling pretty good around Day 8. I would have ran around Day 10, but I haven't ran since the procedure was performed. I have been a little run down. The 2 CT scans and the contrast I had to pump into my body among other drugs left me wiped out when I returned to Austin on November 11th. I had to get back to work and play catch up and things are still a little off, but I hope to run again this week. I did a few walks near Thanksgiving time when my other sister flew in from the Netherlands and it felt good. I have a few more tests to get done, and hopefully all will be clear and I will put my running shoes by the front door again. I don't know if any of this has to do with my Lupus diagnosis from over a year ago, or if I had a really bad bug, or if I took too much on and wore my body down. But I really felt ready to run that marathon. One day, I am walking around, taking in the big city, the next I kissing cold porcelain and wishing the pain would go away.

People were shocked, my parents worried, but I was really thinking about how lucky I was at that moment in time. Just a couple of hours before the race and I was on my way to recovering from an appendectomy instead of being on the race course and falling out mid-run because I would have buckled over in pain, and well...it could have been a lot uglier.

I arrived to work on Monday, the 15th of November to a huge bouquet of flowers, and a banner that read, "Welcome Home, Sarah" The office even catered a welcome back lunch for me and we all just sat around and joked, "Maybe if you give a lung up next time, the boss will give us even more." Ahhh...and that was the moment, it really all made sense..."the next time"....yes, there is a next time, if the cards play out that way. When I was in the hospital, and someone mentioned that to me, I was thinking, no, this was it, and now the moment is gone forever. But, it was only my appendix, and there are thousands of appendix-less racing everyday.

So, today, I get a message from my Wounded Warrior team page that says, Karen Clay, has joined your team. Hmmm, really...it's been a month, and I was coming to terms that Running For Ryan was a closed chapter in my life, but then another guy, Andrew, from Chicago, wrote recently to see how he could run for Ryan.

It's been a month, and I didn't do the race that would have meant the world to me and my relationship with my lost brother, but that fact that I still have strangers joining the team made me get back in the computer today and give thanks again for all that I have, and to all those who care as much as I do about Ryan and our troops! Thanks!!!!!

The medal Erin gave me, I handed to my son Max after returning home, and he said, "cool, thanks." I told him I didn't get to run the race, but a friend gave me her medal. He told me I could run another one, and maybe get a trophy this time!:)

The goal was $26,200, and we getting near $22,000. Personally, the race was for my brother, but the donations that have gone to the Wounded Warrior Project, have made me feel proud because of the great support and joint effort of everyone invovled. If you feel I should run another marathon to make up for NYC, never say never....

Running For Ryan and Pete, and our Heroes

Runner's world nite, Expo center, with coach, in a NY Taxi:)

Abdi, Ryan, Meb

(soldiers taking a break overseas; Ryan May 4, 1979-Nov. 3, 2007; Pete Feb. 3, 1979-Aug. 14, 2010)

NOVEMBER 5, 2010

Exhausted! Got into hotel about 5pm then headed to the Expo to get bib number, yeah! Next, headed out to meet some great heroes and athletes at the Runner's World gig, and now about to hit the sack. Tomorrow I will take a solo trip to "Ryan's Rock" and a little jog around Central Park. Everything is going well so far, but hopefully don't get too tired on all the adrenaline I am on right now!:) Thanks for your suppport! We can/will get to the goal!

NOVEMBER 3, 2010

$20,000 of $26,200 Goal Met! Thanks!

I just finished making the running top for the race. I used my top from the Austin Marathon and tweaked it a little bit. I want to give thanks to a lot of people before I leave Austin and this could be the last night I have time to write. Gary Brimmer, from San Antonio, was the very first person to contact me about getting the word out about my first marathon. I posted a little blurb on a running message board, and he contacted me right away and got me in contact with John and Stacey Conley of Conley Sports. All of these individuals continue to be very supportive. Also, Sente Mortgage of Austin, TX. Their dedication to the cause for the Austin Marathon was heartfelt and an amazing act of kindness. Pam LeBlanc, from the Austin American Statesman, the Notre Dame Club of Austin, Notre Dame Alumni office head quarters, especially Mark LaFrance. Ryan Posanby and Mark Floreani from Flotrack (and my tenants...ha ha) Bumping into Bart Yasso at the Austin Marathon really took this fundraiser to a new direction. Bart introduced himself to me, and went back and asked Runner's World to follow up with me. That lead to the November article, which has opened the doors for a lot of positive attention and donations to the cause through various other current media. A special thanks to Mary Wittenberg and the NYRR club!

Erin O'Mara is my new hero. Erin is from Michigan and is an excellent distance runner (2:50) marathoner, and has her own story to tell that will touch any one's heart. She barely knows me, and joined up to help raise $2,000 with me in just the last month. She is running NYC too, and I can't wait to see her do well!
I had an awesome support group in Austin from my son's family to great friends and co-workers who all chipped in to help entertain Max while I got in the longer runs. Most importantly, my siblings for always being there and never doubting me, and taking the time to hike it to NYC again for this occasion. Alicia and her family and really everyone who has supported Running For Ryan by donating money, training products, or encouraging words to get to the finish. Thanks!

Most of all, I give my appreciation and thanks to our troops! As an ex military spouse and getting Max through his father's deployment, I do know it's the hardest job in the world!

NOVEMBER 3, 2010

Today is the 3rd anniversary of Ryan's passing, and I awoke with some great energy and instantly thought about being in NYC in a few days. Today an insecurity I had a year ago about completing one marathon, let alone a second one seem to be hiding somewhere in the back of my head. Today, I remember Ryan with a smile on my face. I saw a miniature pug the other day and it reminded me of the last time I was with Ryan at his Flagstaff home in August of 2007. I probably mentioned this in an earlier blog, but Ryan's main goal at the time was to get my son,Max, and his dog to wrestle around on the floor the entire night...running down the stairs saying, "Guys check this out! It's so funny! You gotta see Max wrestle the dog."

That night, as Abdi was in his room, and another runner in her bedroom, and my brother Nate on the couch, Max and I camped out with Ryan and Alicia upstairs cracking jokes, and talking about old school stories from growing up and picking on each other through out the evening. That was the last night I spent with my brother before heading on the road to drive back out East the following morning. That weekend was precious, and I should of had my camera out, but as usual, you just don't think it will ever be the last day...

Today I give thanks to my mom and dad who have been supporting me through this year of running and fundraising. I have seen how they have changed in the course of 3 years. My father especially, softening his ways, and while they are still very active in the Northern Michigan running community with coaching and mentoring, running doesn't seem to be the top priority these days as well as peace of mind.

My dear sister-in-law, Alicia, you are thought about today. I look forward to seeing you in NYC and taking in the beauty of Central Park in the fall and taking in the excitement and wonderment of such an event in such a huge city!

OCTOBER 31, 2010

Someone forwarded me an article of Alicia Shay that was in the New York times today. Alicia was Ryan's wife. In the article she describes what the last 3 years has been like for her, and as his wife, I cannot imagine what it has been like dealing with the ups and downs since his passing. She also talks about how her future won't be that of a grieving widow, but of someone who wants to pursue her running dreams and continue to live her own life and get through this in her own way.
As his sister, I know what the last 3 years have been like and mean to me. What I got from her article was that no one can tell you when to stop grieving but with a loss that has been great for my entire family, we have learned to appreciate our current relationships and have found happiness among the moments of sorrow.
I too once loved someone so much, but at the time we were together, I did not lose him to death, our paths just went separate ways after college was finished for the two of us. When my college sweetheart Predrag "Pete" Dakovic did die in a car accident in his hometown of Porgorica, Serbia on August 14 of this year, I was still shocked as if I had just said goodbye to him when he left America to go back home. The world is made up of loss, but it is how we choose to honor those who have died that I believe will make us better humans while we enjoy what and who surrounds us while we live each day in appreciating the moment.

So, on November 7, 2010, I am going to run this marathon in NYC and do it for Ryan and Pete, and all the service men and women who have left this world too soon. As quoted on the Wounded Warriors Project homepage: "The greatest casualty is to be forgotten".

No amount of time can fill the void of a lost loved one, but it does certainly help us to treat living as precious and hopefully encourages us to always let those in our life know how special they are before it's time to go.

One week before the BIG day!!! I hope if you are reading this, you continue to spread the word and help get us to our goal of $26,200. It's never too late to donate, and it would be a great honor to see us reach or surpass this amount. We are at $19,000! THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

100% of donations for the fundraiser go to the Wounded Warrior Project

CREDIT CARD DONATIONS MADE BY CLICKING ON DONATE ICON ABOVE, then click on Sarah Shay, or any team member and follow online directions

OR CHECKS CAN BE MADE PAYABLE TO: WOUNDED WARRIOR PROJECT and mailed to

Running For Ryan

c/o Sarah Shay

P.O. Box 300766
Austin, TX 78703

information at: runningforryan@gmail.com

2 WEEKS BEFORE RACE DAY!

(me and Max , and girlfriend's hubby pumpkin carving this weekend:))

It's Sunday, October 24th, and two weeks to go before the big day! I am getting nervous! It's starting to sink in and today is the first time my nerves have become a little uneasy. But, there is also excitement as I feel there will be a big relief when the race is finished. For over a year, I have been blogging, running, and juggling the day to day responsibilities of a mom as well getting to work everyday to bring home the bacon. So, come November 8th (day after the race) I will be sore, but pleased to complete a journey I thought would have been finished after the Austin marathon in February.

Ryan continues to be my thoughts daily, and as I mentioned before, there is not a day I do not think about him, and how his appearance in a dream of mine last September started this whole challenge. Three years ago, when he passed away, there was a definite missing link between myself and my other 6 siblings. But now, I have to say, I feel closer to my siblings than I ever have, and the sadness I felt then is not like the inspiration I feel now. I know the death of my young, beautiful, determined, and often stubborn brother will always have an affect on my own personal relationships in the future. I find myself nervous when I don't hear from someone I care about, or sometimes overly apologizing if I feel I upset someone because of the big word, regret. I think I mentioned before that I was suppose to go to Ryan's race in NYC the day he passed away. The last words I said to him on the phone were, "see you at the race, punk". But, with a 2 year old, and a big city I was not sure how to get around in, I changed my mind last minute and left a voice mail on his phone to tell him good luck.

Honestly, after the running the Austin marathon in his memory, that's when the guilt of not driving to NYC that November lifted off my shoulders.

I ran 14 miles yesterday, and felt pretty tired. Even more tired than my 22 mile run the week before, so with 2 weeks to go, I am going to get some nice easy running in, and prepare mentally for the trip and race day. All I want to do is carry these legs over the finish line and visit Central Park and visit with family and see NYC in not so gloomy way like we all did when we went back together the following year in 2008. I do look forward to the weather! As it's going to be in the 90's this week in Austin! Wondering if I will ever get used to these high temps!

WITH 2 WEEKS TO GO, WE ARE AT $19,000! THAT'S AWESOME, BUT $26,200 IS OUR GOAL...YOUR DONATION AND SUPPORT MATTERS!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704361504575552311611374060.html?KEYWORDS=meb+keflezighi

(brother Stephan, Meb, and me Houston-2010)

OCTOBER 18, 2010 BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!

In the above link, there is an article written in the Wall Street Journal about Meb Keflezighi, defending NYC Marathon Champ, explaining how there have been struggles trying to convince America, he is an American athlete.

About half-way through the article, Meb's wife, Yordanos, explains how my brother would always be one of the first runners to defend Meb against the negative comments frequently spewed by some other runner (who I think might just wish they could run half as fast as Meb). I read this article a couple of days ago, and it choked me up inside. It seems easier to talk about my brother these days than to hear someone else talk about him because it makes me realize just how much he is missed by more than just his family.

I know Meb had a great bond with Ryan, as well as Ryan's housemate Abdi. Both runners not American born, but running and training in the country they love. It makes me swell up in tears and beam with pride that Ryan was one of those runners who encouraged Meb and if he could have seen Meb win the NYC Marathon last year, he would have been the first to congratulate him for representing the USA strongly.

While I am nowhere in any category as Meb, I have had a lot of self doubt over the last year. Especially now that media has picked up from Flo Track, to Runner's World, local coverage, and inter net coverage through his alma mater, Notre Dame, I have put myself out there. I didn't know a year ago I would be asking the public to donate to a very important cause all the while doing it in Ryan's memory.

If anyone knew my brother, they would know he never settled for less. When it came to running, it was like, I was the younger sister, and he was the big brother. In high school, I had one shining moment when we won Cross Country Regionals together. It was my senior year, and his freshman year. I remember he came up to me and patted me on the back and said "Good job." I almost probably felt like saying, "Thanks, coach." But instead, I just just beamed inside, knowing I was never going to have a moment like that again.

Someone recently told me they didn't support my marathon because I have a disease (Lupus) and a son to think about. Well the other day, Max mentioned once again, if I win the marathon (aren't kids cute) that it must go on his dresser in his bedroom. So, this time instead of doubting if it was all worth it, and if my body will make it through another 26.2 miles, I will just give it my best and only worry about believing in myself. What I have recently learned and I am 34, so it took awhile, that no one will ever believe in me until I trust myself completely. It doesn't hurt that my favorite little 5 year old continues to give me his blessing!

Now I just need to find a good trophy shop in Austin.:)