Tuesday, March 2, 2010

March 2, 2010

After writing the blog below, it got me thinking about how lucky I am. I wrote the soldier I was talking about an email today to say hello. I had to take a minute and realize it's okay to feel a little off, but that the focus needs to go back on keeping Ryan as my guide to running and to raise more money again for the Wounded Warrior Project. Maybe he wasn't the one to enter my dreams this time around, but dreaming about someone I know over seas made me snap back into my zone. It's actually the unknown part about this journey that makes it so much more special and exciting. I really can't wait to go to Chicago and do this marathon. Thanks A.S. for being there and inspiring me to be a better person.


I woke up this morning with a jolt of energy. I had a very deep sleep for once since the Austin Marathon.
It's true, I got the post race blues. I know why. I was so focused and organized, scheduled, and mentally in the running zone that it made me feel comfortable. I totally forgot about being divorced and the fact that I have not allowed time for a relationship in my life over the past 3 years. But, it didn't bother me. I was so focused on the goal, work and trying to be a good mom that I didn't think too much about other relationships.
But after the race, a feeling of loneliness swept in, and took over for a bit. My mind and body were not occupied with anything to achieve other than my normal duties as an employee and mom. Single parents, and maybe single moms in general can probably relate? I was a stay at home mom, then semi stay at home, then full time working mom and caregiver while his dad was away for military duties. I felt like in order to be a good mom, I couldn't strive too hard with work (ie:cooporate 80 hour workweek) or anything else because I might take away from what I would be giving to my son.
When I decided to start running again after Ryan came to me in a dream, I didn't think twice. At first it was a way to get back into exercising on a regular basis. But when I decided to raise money for veterans, it became a mission. After the Austin Marathon I didn't want the mission to stop, but I was a bit overwhelmed and imagined another marathon and fundraising drive would be pushing it. But, then I started to think about how it felt to be healthy and give back to a charity close to my heart.
I had a dream last night. I was having such a great sleep and it carried into a dream that I vividly remember. I was on a train. It was going very fast, but we were high up, like we were riding around some mountain top. The sky was violet and glowing, very mystical and calm. The view was great, and next to me was a friend who's over in Iraq right now. I looked at him, and asked, "What are you doing here." He said he had some time off and wanted to go for a train ride. I was like, "uh, okay". So, we sat on the train together, looking out at the sky and talked for a bit. When the train stopped, he headed back to Iraq, and I ended up a Max's school where there was a buffet of never ending food. So, I grabbed Max and made him a plate and sang songs with the kids. It was a random dream, but a nice dream.

"To dream that you are on a train, symbolizes your life's journey. It suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed in the right direction. Alternatively, you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will prove to work out in the end. " (maybe my dream was trying to tell me something)
So, now that I think the post race craziness is easing up and floating away, I am ready to Run For Ryan again, and for our troops.

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